The moments that make up my day

Psalm 5:3  "In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice;  In the morning, I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly."  NIV 

With my youngest son in Afghanistan, fighting for the US Marine Corp, I spend many hours before the Lord.  Each morning my day starts with my devotions.  Before I do anything else, I read Psalm 91.  The soldier's prayer.  It has sustained me in the midst of my fear.  In the beginning when he first was deployed, I was frozen with fear.  I spent the first few days unable to do anything functional.  The fear overwhelmed me and was affecting my family, my life,my job.  I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't function in the most basic activities of my day.  My family and friends spent hours worrying about me and praying for me.  I tried so hard to get out of the grip of fear.  I went to the prayer fountain at FOTW and begged the Lord to help me.  He led me into the church's prayer room where a couple who were there as counselors waited.  They come once a week to counsel couples and their nightly appointment didn't show up.  So they were sitting and praying, feeling like the Lord wanted them to wait.  The Lord led me to them from my aimless wandering.  Together, they prayed with me and let me talk out my fears.  I left the church feeling better but still not fully convinced that my Abba was hearing me. 

Each first Wednesday, FOTW has a communion service.  This particular wednesday, I went in expecting the usual message of hope and inspiration.  For whatever reason, there was no message that night.  Just an hour of singing praise music.  My soul was calmed.  My heart swelled with love from the Lord.  Greg Long, from Avalon, was leading our praise music that night.  He offered some words of encouragement to the congregation after one of the songs.  I felt that he was speaking just to me.  He said that if we say that we are giving everything to the Lord, then we HAVE TO GIVE EVERYTHING TO THE LORD!  We have to be willling to let go of our hurt, our pain, our fears and really let God be in charge.  In that moment, I knew that he was right.  I couldn't just mouth the words.  I had to let go of my fear.  Then and there, I determined that I was going to give it all to God and let Him be in charge.  Greg prayed with my husband and I for our youngest son and I left the chapel a new woman.

Since that night I have been free from the fear that possessed me.  I know that my son is in danger every moment that he is in Afghanistan. I know that his life is freely offered by him for the protection of my freedoms.  I know that God has a plan for him.  It's not my plan, it can't be my plan.  Abba, the Father of all of us, has the blueprint for my youngest sons life.  I will continue to be on my knees every day for the safety of my son and his brothers and sisters in the foreign wars.  He does not expect me to give up being a mother who cares about each of my children.  But I have learned the lesson He wanted me to learn.  Let God be in charge.