My Prodigal Son

Luke 15:31-32 "My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." NIV




my son with 2 of his sisters

Sweetheart and I have a blended family.  With this blended family comes all sorts of little quirks and chaos.  We had hoped that soon we would be empty nesters but I am finding that God has other plans for us right now.  This has been hard for us to accept  and I will admit that we have sat on the floor and kicked our feet and thrown quite the tantrum in front of God.  I am sure He was ready to put us both in the time out chair.  His patience is immense and that is such a good thing.  I am stubborn beyond imagination, especially when I am absolutely sure that I have a better plan.  Which is why, on more than one occasion, my Abba has let me crash and burn in a magnificent blaze of glory.  We love our children more than anyone can imagine.  But....and that's an awfully big but.....we really would love to have some light at the end of our parenting tunnel.  What we are finding is that the tunnel is about 500 miles long and we are holding a match to see ahead of us.  Sigh.

My oldest son has had a drug and alcohol problem for most of his life.  For whatever reason, he chose to let those demons take over.  There are many people in my life who blame me for the choices that my children have made.  I used to wallow in guilt over that until I came to realize, with time and with several thousand dollars worth of therapy, that while my bad choices can affect  my children, the choices they make are their own.  Just as I can't blame the mistakes I made on my parents, I am not responsible for the mistakes my children (or my parents for that matter) make. 

I made the most painful choice of making my son leave our home.  His self destructive behavior was resulting in crimes and activities that put the rest of the family in danger.  I didn't see him for 11 years.  It didn't help him that in that time, everyone around him constantly told him his problems were my fault.  Two years ago he nearly died from a drug overdose.  I mean really nearly died.  Flatline, brain dead, miracle he is alive situation.  Now he suffers from handicaps associated with that condition.  He is coming to live with us.  This is a situation that will be new to both sweetheart and I.  We are completely at square one with this.  It's like having a ten year old in a grown man's body.  God has plans that we are unaware of but we have decided that we will follow those plans, no matter what lies ahead. 

I used to pray for my God to bring my son back to me.  I prayed for the addictions to disappear.  This wasn't quite what I prayed for.  My son had to almost die to come home.  He is no longer addicted to drugs and has no desire to return to his previous life.  Along with that, he has no memory of many of the events of his life.  It took almost a year before he even remembered he had a family.  There are moments when he still isn't clear who some of us are.  It is almost like we have an eleventh child.  We need infinite patience, unlimited understanding, and we are walking down a path that neither sweetheart nor I has ever walked down before.

So, dear friends, some of my writing might take some strange turns this year.  I have prostrated myself to my Abba on numerous occasions lately.  It will take my complete obedience to make it through this stage of my life.  It will also take much patience on the part of my family, especially our other children.  That seems to be the hardest part for families that bring back a child that has left the family under less than favorable conditions.  Just like in the parable, the children who followed the rules are a bit put out by the whole welcome home process. 

This wasn't exactly how sweetheart and I planned to start our new year. But if this is the path our Father has in mind for us, we will take our first steps down the path.  Abba tells me daily that He will never give me more than I can handle and that He is right there for me every step of the way.  If you are going through a change in your life that you never expected, you can be assured that your Abba will be there.  He will hold your hand and hold your heart.  He will wipe away your tears and celebrate in your joy.  He will never, ever let you down.  But you must remember that He and He alone, knows what best for you.  You can't tell Him how it will be.  Or how it should be. Or what He should do to make it better.  He knows.  Just don't forget to thank Him for the successes.  No matter how slight they may be.  He lights our path one step at a time.  Step forward, look up, step forward, look up. Trip, stumble, fall, then reach out and He will help you back up.  Then start the process all over again.  Keep me posted on your walk with Him.  I will definitely let you know about mine.  Till tomorrow dear friends.