In The Desert

Psalm 63:1 “O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water.”

As a mother, there are times when you feel like you are standing at the edge of an endless desert. It seems that every day starts with another crisis that you can’t nor shouldn’t solve. Most women are fixers by heart when it comes to our children. After all, we have been with them since they drew their first breath. Don’t we know better than them what they need?

As you can imagine, with the number of kids that sweetheart and I have, my brain is permanently set on the “I should fix this” mode. Having a blended family with so many differing kinds of personalities makes the mix an even deeper well to draw from. Our children range in age from 20 to 36 with every possible personality and life choice you can imagine. From adoption to drug abuse to atheist to mormon to single parent to Christian to Jewish to college student to married with and without children, there is little that our children’s lives don’t cover.

When one of my children is hurting, I hurt too. It is especially hard when you can turn to God but they won’t. I can’t count the number of hours that I have spent in prayer begging God to change the heart of a child who is hurting themselves through bad choices. Ever so painstakingly I have learned that it is not my burden to bear once they are old enough to know better.

Yet letting go of that burden is so hard. You see them standing out in the desert, panting for water, dying slowly from the heat of their pain. You want to rush out, carrying life giving liquid that you are sure will bring them relief. What you find is that now you both are stuck in the desert without water. After they drink the cup you bring them, you have nothing left to offer. Soon they are angry at you for trying to help them as it seems to them that you have only made it worse.

My time with God has taught me that sometimes I must stand at the edge of that desert, stand at the edge of the ocean that is God’s love, stand and wait for them to come to get the water for themselves. I can tell them about the water, show them the water, describe the water, but I can’t make them drink it.  I can’t even make them want it. They have to become so thirsty, so desperate, so humbled, that they learn for themselves that without this water they are always going to be thirsty.

Perhaps the hardest thing for a mother is that sometimes they never learn. Sometimes they decide that they can live without water, turning to other liquids to quench their thirst. In those times they often seem particularly anxious to prove that they don’t need water to survive. And sometimes, as in the case of our son, they drink from a poisonous well and their life is destroyed forever. And I have to accept that there is nothing I could have done about it. What a bitter pill to swallow that is to a “fix it” mother. 

There is one more thing that I am learning. Sometimes all I can do is call on God to cover them with the Water of His Love. Psalm 107:35 has taught me that He “turns deserts into pools of water”. Notice that I said He turns the desert into pools of water. Not me. I do not, nor should I, have the power to change the course of God’s purpose for my children. Their trials are theirs, not mine. While I can help them pack some of things they need to travel, I can’t take the journey for them. If they forget to pack water, they have to learn the consequences of that choice.

Dearest Father in Heaven, Thank You for meeting me at the well today. Thank You for sharing Your life giving Water with me. Thank You for the peace that comes with understanding that You have a plan, that You know everything, that You and You alone are in charge. I am grateful that You comfort me when I have to watch one of my children suffer. I know that You have suffered more pain than I can ever imagine watching Your beloved Son die an agonizing death. I know You, above everyone, knows the pain that I am going through. Please dearest Abba, cover my children with Your Love and Mercy. Please bring them to a place of life giving water. Please help me understand that everything is in Your Hands. In the name of my Brother, Christ Jesus, who died that I might live, Amen


copyright@2012 Michelle Welch, Breath Of Life Women's Ministry
scriptures from NLT Bible
photgraphy by Michelle Welch, all rights reserved