When Friends Are All You Have Left

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15 

There are days when I wake up only to wish it was the end of the day. My first thought is "oh please don't let me find any emails, any messages, any phone calls about something gone wrong". Yet in that moment of selfishness I am ashamed. I have, without a doubt, called upon so many of my friends over these last few months (ok years) of insane moments. Yep. Guilty. 

I am not discounting in any way that my total reliance is on God. That He is all I need. That no man or woman can make me as whole as He can. 

But the reality of life is that I need some friends in this journey through a broken world. People who truly give me grace in the broken times. People who see the real me through the mess that is often my daily life. People who rejoice with me when I remember who I really am. 

So what is a friend? Being the book geek that I am, I went straight to the dictionary. (No I didn't google the definition...I actually picked up a dictionary) Here is what I found. 

Friend: 1. a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2. A person whom one knows, an acquaintance. 3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause. (source: The American Heritage Dictionary)

Even better was the definition provided by Dictionary.com. 

Friend: 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. a person who gives assistance. 

For the majority of my life I was surrounded by many acquaintances and few friends. Not because they didn't try to be my friend but because I resisted them I didn't want friends. Especially women friends. Why?

Because. Women. Can. Be. Mean. (Myself included)

Out in the world, where we all work and live and play, most of us have come to know that we live in a dog eat dog society. No holds barred. Succeed at any cost. Climb the ladder using others as a step up. Use. Use. Use. Take. Take. Take. Gain accolades. Put the plaques on the wall. Show them how good you are, even if it means taking someone else down in the process. 

And oh how good at that I was. My achievement wall was a wonder to behold. 

Yet at the top of the pyramid there is no room for anyone else. And sitting on that point of success starts to hurt. A lot. It's lonely. Very. Very. Lonely.

Then I met God. 

At first I struggled to understand how to be vulnerable. I struggled to be a friend. I struggled to accept the friendship of others. I cried. I begged. I pleaded with my Abba not to make me open up the hidden secrets of my heart. I didn't want friends. I didn't want to lay my life out for others to step on. 

But God kept putting me in places where friendship could not be denied. He kept breaking me to the point where I couldn't do it alone. He showed me that true friends are not acquaintances. They are there through thick and thin. Through joy and tears. Through rejoicing and through weeping. And when the dust settles, they are still there. With tears on their own faces for your sorrow as well as laughter for your successes.

Now here is the hardest part. You can't get around it. It is the only way. 

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,  not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25 (emphasis mine)

You have to meet together. With other women. Regularly. 

I got to church when I'd rather stay at home. I mentor. I sit down each morning and ask God who needs me to be a friend today. I found a woman's Bible study group. I work in ministry. I disciple. I listen. And I listen some more.

Do I get hurt? Absolutely. Have I been a bad friend? Absolutely. Have I made mistakes, said the wrong thing, had my feelings hurt? Yes, Yes, and oh heavens Yes!!! Life can be ugly. People can be ugly. Women can be, dare I say it, MEAN! 

But if I am to follow my Savior, who gave His very life for me, then I can do nothing less than what He commanded me. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." John 15:12-13

Even when I hurt or disappoint or forget my Savior, He loves me anyway. Enough to die for me. Even when I am mean. He gives me Grace. Grace so big that there is not even enough room in my mind to completely comprehend it. He is my friend. When I am rejoicing. When I am weeping. 

So to S, T, J, M, B, A, C, and all the ABC's of my life. I am forever grateful that you weep and rejoice with me. And that you do me the honor of calling me friend. 

Blessings and much love,

2014MichelleWelch, team member of Breath Of Life Women's Ministries
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.